


Choir of the Mind

by Hugofthunder



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Coming Out, Drunken Kissing, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, It's Hard and Nobody Understands, Love Confessions, Post-Break Up, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-01-22 19:39:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12489340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugofthunder/pseuds/Hugofthunder
Summary: Seven years after the events of the metaverse Makoto comes to a cross roads she thought the had left behind a long time ago.





	1. Perfect on the Surface

From the moment Makoto committed herself to the phantom thieves she had promised to live her life without regrets. Letting go and ripping off the mask of perfection that held her prisoner allowed her to learn about the world, about others and most importantly about herself. For the first time in her life, she let others into her world…her heart…

 

Makoto went off to college and thrived when it came to school. She had graduated at the top of her class. Went on to the police academy and continued her streak of top marks. That allowed her to stay in Tokyo and Became an exemplary officer. She was the pride of the department, even earning the admiration of her sister who had often been so hard to please.

 

Yet the greatness she fought so hard to achieve the past seven years was both a dream and a curse. She gave up the humanity she found in the depths of the metaverse. She traded love for success, she gave up her heart for what she deemed to be normalcy in her quest for the top. Makoto locked everything she had learned from her friends… her love… away in the quest for her justice.

 

 

Makoto sat at her desk dutifully filling out paperwork for a perp she had arrested earlier in the day. Unlike most desks in the department which we littered with paper and files, Makoto kept her desk neat and orderly, everything had its place. In the corner, she had one photo of her and her sister, it had been taken the day of the phantom thieves had saved Tokyo. It was the one thing that kept her smiling even on the hardest of days. Next to it she kept a Leblanc coffee cup that Sojiro had gifted her all those years ago. Otherwise her work space could be described as sterile, she had her files stacked neatly and orderly, nothing was out of place.

 

As Makoto sat lost in her work her phone let out a familiar chime.   _Oh, it must be sis telling me to bring home dinner again…_ She dutifully picked the phone to answer Sae’s message only to notice that the message was from a number she didn’t recognize.

 

**Makoto, I am in town and was hoping you would want to catch up… for old times’ sake.**

Makoto, felt her heart stop… she went back and read the message what felt like 100 times before she decided to respond. 

 

**Who is this?**

**I know it has been a long time but have you really forgotten about me?**

Makoto knew in her heart who is was… she also knew she would never forget about her. The mistakes she had made threaten to consume her thoughts on a daily basis. Makoto closed her eyes and recalled her smile, her deep blue eyes that pierced straight into her soul, the way she smelled, the way her lips felt… She felt her heart begin to pound and her cheeks blush at the thought. Opening her eyes, just the thought of Ann had her completely disarmed.

 

As she looked at her phone and fumbled with the touch pad she felt her perfect mask crumbling. The one person who could bring her back to earth had suddenly walked back into her life. Her urge to ignore it and continue on the path she had mapped out for herself was strong, She, put the phone down and picked it up several times before she gave into the unknown. For all she knew this was a friendly meeting that wouldn’t go anywhere. Yet her heart knew deep down where this was heading… it was heading to a place she had meticulously walled off years ago in an attempt to prevent heart break. It was the reason why she had hardened herself, why she had pushed her life towards work and perfection in much the same way as her sister.

 

 **Let’s meet at “our” place in an hour?** Was all she needed to say. Even though she was anxious she knew Ann would not be able to resist the idea.

 

**I will see you there** **J**

Upon reading Ann’s last message Makoto became immediately panicked _why on earth did I agree to this. I thought I had left it all behind. ….OH GOD WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR…_

Makoto rushed out of the building with urgency and walked the 5 blocks back to her apartment. She rushed to her room and stripped out of her uniform carefully looking through her closet. In the seven years since she had seen Ann her wardrobe hadn’t really been updated. She still wore a uniform every day for work so buying extra clothes had always seemed superfluous.

 

After trying on multiple outfits and deeming them all not good enough, Makoto sighed and finally decided to dress casually. She settled on a black turtle neck, black pants, and boots with a teal coat over the top. She gazed at herself in the mirror it was as if nothing had changed in 7 years. Her youthful appearance was spoiled by her eyes, the deep crimson showed a maturity the rest of her had not caught up to yet. She took a moment and wiped a tear from her cheek. It was a rare vulnerable moment she wasn’t quite ready for, it caused her to straighten herself out and put the mask of perfection back on before she left to meet Ann.

 

The walk to the crepe shop felt like an eternity. Makoto felt like each step was slogging her down in some sort of quicksand. Her stomach was in knots and each breath took more effort than the last. She hadn’t felt this nervous since the night she had confessed her true feelings to Ann.

 

It was shortly after the two had gone out for crepes. Ann had some chocolate in the corner of her mouth that Makoto had almost instinctively wiped off with her right index finger. She had watched Ann stop and blush, Ann said nothing but her blue eyes had stared into the very depths of her soul… _she had to know… how could she not know._ Just as quickly as she had looked at her Ann had looked down and laughed nervously. She had said something about being a messy eater and why Akira says that this is why they can’t go to nice places like the buffet anymore. Makoto had not been really sure if she was supposed to laugh at the last statement or comfort the girl in front of her. She stood there and blinked until Ann’s voice had brought her back to earth “Makoto...are you ok?” in that moment she knew she was not ok but instead she lied and laughed the whole incident off. They continued their walk talking about life in general. Ann mused about the other thieves and how she felt like she finally belonged somewhere. The sentiment had caused Makoto to stop in the tracks and she just started to cry. Ann was unsure what she had said to set off such a reaction but she moved to comfort the older girl. Makoto felt Ann wrap her arms around her… it was a feeling she had longed for since they had become friends… it was a feeling she fought from the very same moment. She looked up into the younger girl’s eyes as Ann used one hand to wipe her tears away. Makoto had felt her breath hitch and her soul cry out. She pushed her shame down into the darkest depths of her being and let her heart run free. “Ann, I am sorry I have been acting so weird and awkward…” “Makoto, you don’t have to apologize for being you… something has obviously been bothering you. Will you please tell me?” Makoto had put her finger over Ann’s lips _god they felt soft to the touch. “_ Ann please if I don’t say this now I fear I never will. I am really not good at these sorts of things. I like you… I like you as more than a friend” As the words had left her mouth she tried to search the younger girls face for a positive response, yet her fear had caused her to look down and she felt rejection must be eminent. Then she felt her breath leave her body as Ann pulled her closer, she used her right hand to lift Makoto’s head up, looked deeply into the older girl’s eyes before closing her own and lonely bringing their lips together in a chaste but wanting kiss.

 

A warmth came over Makoto as she remembered what they once shared. She was so lost in thought she almost walked into a light post. Her almost miss with the post had brought her screaming back to reality. She looked down in embarrassment in the hopes no one had seen that moment. When she was finally ready to look back up she caught a glimpse of Ann, standing about 20 feet away in front of the crepe shop. The sight immediately took Makoto’s breath away.

 

Ann was just as stunning as Makoto remembered. She wore her hair long and wavy the sun kissed her blonde coloring making it shine and sparkle. She had dressed in jeans, a black t-shirt, and a leather jacket. The sight alone was enough to make Makoto forget all of their history. She felt her heart flutter for the first time since it had all crashed and burned. She wished she could save the moment in a picture.

 

Ann finally looked in her direction and waved. Their eyes caught each other for a brief moment as they approached each other and embraced. “Makoto, I am so happy you came!” The blonde whispered in her ear as Makoto wondered whether this could all be a dream… or if she was dead… killed in the line of duty. “Ann... I just can’t believe you are here.” Makoto finally spoke as they parted. Time seemed to stop as they both stood there stunned to silence, each woman was analyzing the others reaction looking for something… a shred of hope.

 

Makoto smiled as she leaned back on her heels finally she broke the silence as she stumbled through her words “wwwould you like to order something?” “Ann was startled by the simplicity of the older woman’s statement she looked up at the crepe stand and twirled her hair around her finger sheepishly. “Oh yeah… I I almost forgot about that.”

 

“I know it’s been awhile but would you still like your usual?” Makoto asked knowingly giving Ann the same smile she used to when they would come here regularly. “Mako… I can’t believe you would remember after all this time.” Ann replied softly and air of surprise lingered around her words. Makoto’s heart fluttered uncontrollably _She called me Mako.._ “Like I could forget…” The older woman replied coolly not want to let on how hopeful that had made her.

 

Makoto stepped up to the counter and ordered two crepes with chocolate, strawberries and, whip cream. She smiled like she was back in high school as she pulled out her wallet and handed money to the cashier.

 

“Mako I could have gotten my own crepe… you didn’t have to...” Ann looked at the ground almost shamefully trying her best to be comfortable in the moment.  “Ann, I know I didn’t have to… I wanted to.” Makoto looked at Ann and felt her heart sink she knew something was off but couldn’t put her finger on it.  Her mind went into inspection mode immediately analyzing every inch of Ann looking for clues to her demeanor.

 

Mankato’s concentration was broken by the shop keeper calling for her to pick up her order. She dutifully carried a crape in each hand as they searched for a bench in the square that they could sit on.  They finally found a bench shaded by a tree and sat each of them silently enjoying their crepe. Each secretly wondering what the other was thinking.

 

“So…  You must be wondering why I messaged you…” Ann broke the silence first. Makoto took her last bite of crepe savoring the sweetness. “kinda… actually I didn’t really know it was you at first. I guess I had deleted your number all those years ago.” Ann looked stunned at the revelation, Her face was almost crestfallen… _So I was the only one…_ Ann thought as she figured out how to best navigate the situation.

 

Ann had gone over this talk thousands of times but never once had she imagine that Makoto just wanted to forget her. “Makoto… I need to talk to you… I have been waiting seven long years to say these words to you.” Makoto nodded silently preparing for what Ann needed to tell her. “The years have not been kind to me Mako, after we broke up…I …I threw myself into my work. I have gotten to the panicle of my profession and yet I go home each night alone. There was a time when I thought meaningless sex and drugs would get me through the pain but it never subsided. It’s not like I couldn’t have a relationship with my choice of partner… I have tried to move on and yet the one person I want to spend my life with doesn’t want me…” Tears were rolling down Ann’s cheeks she sniffled and tried to wipe them away.

 

Makoto’s heart broke into a million pieces as Ann described her struggles with career, self-image, and love. She never could have imagined her reluctance to be contrary to the persona she projected would have caused so much hurt and pain. In her mind, it was always for the best. She thought Ann would meet someone who wouldn’t be afraid and ashamed of her own feelings. Makoto had convinced herself for years that she was the only one who was hurt by her decisions. She threw herself into being perfect again, into school, then work, she mirrored the mistakes of her sister and never considered a life outside of work was an option. She was happy to lock her heart away from the world because it meant she wouldn’t hurt anymore, she wouldn’t feel shame for loving Ann anymore. Her perfection had masked her true happiness and locked her in a prison or her own devices. She cut herself off of all memories of Ann, Including the rest of the thieves always creating an excuse as to why she couldn’t hang out. After a while the calls had just stopped coming. Now here she was faced with the exact thing she tried to run from all those years ago.

 

“You know I tried to write you that text so many times…I never had the guts to hit send before today” Ann’s voice brought Makoto back from her own head, she still had no clue what to say… or how to even begin to make it right again.

 


	2. An Impossible Task

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto and Ann each deal with the sting of heartbreak. Meanwhile, Haru is determined to help each woman see their own hidden truths.

 

Makoto wearily turned the lock to the apartment she shared with her sister Sae. As she opened the door, her steps seemed to falter, her ordinarily confident demeanor replaced by a shell of a person; who looked as though a truck had hit her in the middle of a rainstorm. All she could feel was the intense emotional pain that washed over her body.

 

“You look like shit.” Came a voice from the kitchen. Makoto looked up to see her sister fixing herself a cup of coffee.  “There better be a criminal for me to prosecute if you’re going to come home looking like that.” Sae’s lips curled up into a teasing smile; Her eyes met Makoto’s, and she realized there was more to Makoto’s look than a case she spent way too long trying to crack. Her weariness was not like when Sae was chasing the phantom thieves; this was more profound. 

 

“Sis…I can’t right now” The words softly left Makoto’s mouth. Her movement towards her room was like a wounded animal desperately dragging its self behind a bush to hide. “I just need to go to bed” I just need to forget today. I just need to forget Ann. I just need to consign to oblivion any hope I ever had for us. Her mantra played on a loop inside her head as she placed one foot in front of the other making her way towards her room.

 

“Makoto…” she stopped short of verbally detaining her sister and let her go to her room. Something told her playing lawyer and interrogating her adult sister’s problems was most likely the wrong choice to make in this situation. Makoto shot her a glance as she got to her bedroom as if she was waiting for Sae to finish her sentence.  “Good Night… We can talk another time” Sae offered delicately as Makoto slipped past the door and into her bedroom.

 

_I am such an idiot_. Makoto sobbed thinking about the afternoon. Their time together had felt so comfortable, even though it had been seven years it was as if no time had passed. They talked about everything each stealing glances and smiling at the other.  Then Ann laid her feelings, and life bare upon her. Makoto felt crushed by her confession, and She crumbled under the intensity of the moment. She just sat there like a fool blinking not knowing what to say. All Makoto wanted to do was scream I am so sorry, I don’t deserve you. You did not deserve to suffer like this… we can make it right together. Instead, she listened and blinked and when it was time for her to say something, time for her to reach her hand out and grab Ann’s; Makoto ran just like she had been running from herself for the past seven years. She let her shame and fear dictate her direction once again.

 

As Makoto lay her head down on her pillow and let her body slack in the softness of her bed her mind fixated on one thing; _I bet Ann truly hates me now. I am such a fool_ … A large tear slowly rolled down her right cheek stopping on the corner of her mouth as she drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Ann arrived home later than she anticipated. Her face covered with a mixture of dried tears and eyeliner, her hair a mess from the wind and her heart heavy with unresolved feelings and emotional baggage.  Ann Placed her bag on the entryway table. She felt her ears perked up to the sound of a soft voice coming from the living room.

 

“You are home. How did it go?” Ann hung her head as she approached the living room half trying to hide her face and half ashamed that nothing but heartache had resulted from putting herself out there. As she sat down on the couch, she felt a hand reach for hers.  

 

After a few moments of staring at the ground, Ann finally looked up to meet her roommate’s soft kind eyes. “Not well” she finally responded before breaking down again. “I-I-I honestly… thought… it would be different now… that we were different people.”  

Ann let out a big sigh wiping away tears from her face. She looked at her roommate the only person besides Makoto that she had told about all the darkness that consumed her being and shed another tear. “I am so sorry Haru, I know I got you wrapped up in this awful mess. I just didn't have anyone else to turn to, and I have felt so guilty about outing her to you but keeping all the pain inside was literally killing me." 

 

Haru squeezed Ann’s hand comfortingly and gave her a sweet smile hoping some of the pain would subside. “Ann-chan I am your friend, you have nothing to apologize for we talked about how tough this was going to be… for both of you before you went to meet her.”  Haru paused looking for some recognition in the younger woman’s eyes.  “Ann-chan what exactly happened. I never in a million years would have imagined this outcome.”

 

All Haru could make out as Ann again sobbed into her hands was “She ran.” Haru shook her head disapprovingly still unable to understand how Makoto had not grown as a person in seven years.

“Haru, it was like we were teenagers all over again. We went and had crepes it was like the day we buried our misconceptions about one another. We were standing in line and all I wanted to do was kiss her... feel her lips on mine. I had such deja vu because that was the exact place I knew I wanted to kiss her all those years ago. Then we talked about life, she told me about how she had risen the ranks at the police force; but I could tell she was holding back... her perfect facade was starting to crack and then... and then, everything got so real. I finally told her about my struggle about the hole in my heart I had been so desperate to fill. I admitted I was crumbling on the inside, that my entire career … every other person I have ever dated … everything was a mask. I wanted life to be perfect without her. Makoto just sat there silently the life behind her eyes was gone… dead… then she opened her mouth a few times to say something before... before… she dropped the rest of her crepe on the ground and ran towards the crowd in Shibuya station. Just like that… no warning, no goodbye, nothing. It was as if we were strangers again, she dropped the rest of her crepe on the ground and ran towards the crowd in Shibuya station. It was all so surreal one moment she was there with me and the next...she was gone, and we were strangers again.” Ann managed to get the words out as quickly as possible without breaking down suddenly she felt pressure against her body as the older woman wrapped her arms around her and pulled her into an embrace.

 

“I am so so sorry Ann-chan. I cannot help but feel that some of this is my fault. I encouraged you to come back to Tokyo, and to contact her in the hopes that both of you had grown up and could be honest with one another… with yourselves.” 

 

“No. Haru, you were right. I needed to fight my demons; I know the entire group has been worried about my risky behavior. I just thought I meant more… more than her perfect façade. Even if nothing romantic ever occurred between us; I thought we could at least be friends. I wanted her to know she has a support system… she doesn’t have to be in her self-imposed exile.”

 

Haru’s eyes narrowed and her usually sweet disposition faded. “Ann…” Haru released the younger woman from her embrace. “I think you should get some rest it has been an emotionally draining day. We can talk more in the morning when things have calmed down a bit” Haru helped Ann up and watched as she made her way down the hall to her room. She didn’t say it out loud but she was going to find a way to have a chat with officer Nijima, she was done being nice.

* * *

 

 Makoto was awoken at 1 am by a sudden loud pounding at the door. Oh, fuck sis went out without her keys… again She thought as she groggily pulled on her robe and shuffled out to the door. “I’m coming, sis.” She yelled loudly as the pounding continued “jeez, you’re going to wake the neighbors… just stop” She froze and felt all the blood drain from her face as the door swung open. “Haru…” It was like she saw a ghost; Haru stood there with her arms folded waiting to be invited inside.

 

 “It’s been years… why are you here on my doorstep now?” Makoto switched to interrogation mode it was a self-preservation mechanism. She knew deep down why Haru stood before her; it was taking all of her strength to maintain perfect composure.

 

“we need to talk Makoto.” Haru finally answered as she swept past Makoto and sat down on the couch. She looked at the stranger before her the air was thick with sadness, Makoto’s normally crimson eyes were a deep blood red, her hair looked matted, and the obvious stain of tears was still lingering on her cheeks. Even though she tried to maintain her perfect façade, the mask was cracked, and Haru could see right through her. “I came to talk about Ann, but you already know that. It seems. However, we should be talking about you.” Haru paused and patted the couch next to her inviting Makoto to sit down.

 

Makoto instead chose the chair across from the couch facing Haru not wanting to risk any kind of physical intimacy. They both waited for the other to make the next move, Haru with restraint and patience, Makoto with stubbornness and fear.

 

Finally, Makoto addressed the other woman “Why?” It was such a simple question, tinged with sadness and quiet desperation. There were so many answers to that one simple word and Makoto didn’t know which one she would get first if any at all.

 

“Because Ann is my family, and you… you… were once upon a time the only person to give me real comfort after my father died. I loved you as a sister, and then you just disappeared on me… disappeared on us all.”

 

“I did what I had to, to get by. You would never understand I stopped deserving all of your love the day I choose my future.” Makoto looked down at her feet ashamed to look Haru in the eyes.

 

“How, is that future treating you.” Makoto looked at her pleadingly. Without skipping a beat, Haru got to the heart of the matter. “Please tell me if I have gotten any of this wrong, but It seems as if you are still in the same place you were seven years ago. You are living with your sister, you have replaced studying with working long hours, you have no life outside of work to speak of, and your heart is ice"

 

Makoto had no words; she had never reduced her life down in such a way. Each piece individually equaled a life of unparalleled success, but seeing them together… together like that she just felt like a failure, like she was nothing but that scared girl from 7 years ago who ran from love because she was afraid that people would talk shit.

 

Haru saw the fear register in Makoto’s eyes she knew that her fight or flight response was kicking in and if she didn’t go for the jugular now she would never have the opportunity again. “Look what I am about to say is going to be scary and hurtful but you need to talk to someone about this, and I know by looking at you that you have shoved it away in the dark corners of your mind.”

 

Makoto knew what was coming. Next, it was her job to know. She was prepared to run. When the time came, she was frozen in the moment.

 

“Makoto… I know about you and Ann.” The words left Haru’s mouth and felt like daggers into Makoto’s heart; Steeped in love and understanding not judgment and anger like Makoto had feared for so many years. “Do you still love her?”

 

Those words completely disarmed Makoto, her eyes welled up with tears, and her façade fell apart. Her body felt numb and overstimulated at the same time, she had no words, and so she gave Haru a simple nod.

 

“That’s what I thought. Look I didn’t come here tonight because I wanted to berate you I just had to know for Ann’s sake if it was fear or malice. Now that I know that it is the former two hearts in my life must heal. That is… if you will accept my friendship again…”

 

Makoto didn’t move, for once she was still her tears seemed to subside, and she finally looked Haru in the eyes. “I have loved Ann for as long as I can remember. It has always been myself that I hated.”

 

Haru was finally at a loss for words. She stood up and walked over to the heartbroken woman before her “May I?” she asked and Makoto threw her arms around Haru pulling her closer into an embrace. They both cried as Haru gently stroked Makoto’s hair. Her words finally came “Look Ann still love you too. Hope is not lost, but you need to get your shit together. Don’t give me an answer now but take a few days to think about what you want because this is your last shot at happiness with her.”

 

Makoto let go of the kind woman and silently nodded. She understood she had some soul searching to do before she could be right for Ann. She needed to meet the most important person in her life so far, her true self.

 

“Haru, thank you for never giving up on me. I am really sorry I wasn’t a better friend to you… that I wasn’t a better… “friend” to Ann.”

 

Haru turned to leave “Don’t apologize to me… be better… show us both we didn’t waste our time or our hearts on someone so undeserving.” With that, she shut the door behind her and Makoto was once again left with her thoughts.

* * *

 

Ann sat up suddenly out of a deep sleep. Sweat was running down her chest, and her heart pounded and ached deeply at the same time. She shuffled out of bed to the kitchen and rummaged around for something to drink. Behind the left-over sushi, she found a case of beer and a bottle of sake. She knew she shouldn’t take a drink that it wouldn’t solve her problem, but, there in the dark, alone, it was the one thing she thought could sooth her aching heart.

 

One beer turned into six, and as she was sitting there sipping on the bottle of sake, Haru walked through the door not expecting the younger woman to be awake and out of bed.

 

“Haru!!” Ann slurred with a hiccup as she got up and stumbled falling back onto the couch several times. “Where have you been burp?”

 

“Ann, are you ok? I think you need to go back to bed.” Haru sighed and walked over to the couch. She offered Ann her hand to help her to bed. “ Please come with me,” She said kindly and pleadingly.

 

Ann wrapped her arms around Haru’s neck, and Haru placed her arm softly on Ann’s lower back, as they reached the end of the hallway Ann stumbled and fell to the floor bringing Haru down with her. Haru felt jolted but picked herself up off the ground. As she leaned over to help Ann up, Ann wrapped her arms around Haru’s neck and pulled her in for a deep passionate kiss.

 

Their lips met, and Haru stiffened up pushing the younger girl away. “Ann, you know we can’t do this again no matter how good it feels you are drunk.” She quickly grabbed the younger girls hand and put her to bed. Neither woman said anything as Haru left. The door shut and Ann closed her eyes as the darkness enveloped the room.


	3. Minefield of Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makoto struggles to make a grand gesture.

The sun rose over the horizon, and the first bursts of sunlight streamed through the windows and into Haru Okamura's room. As the light reached her face, Haru opened her eyes and began to awaken from her all to short night’s sleep. She sat up and slowly put her fingers to her lips and drifted back to the events of the previous night.

_Was it real or just a dream?_ The truth was she had long held the desire for Ann but had always been content to be her friend and close confidant. She was only ever able to acknowledge her longing with looks and the desires in her mind it was the only line she ever allowed herself to cross. A grimace crossed her face as the pang of guilt took over. Who was she kidding... of course it was real. She stopped for a moment and allowed her mind to wander, to think about how everything got to this point.

There was a time when Haru was head over heels in love with Joker. How could she not have a crush on the dashing leader of the phantom thieves? Besides, He had done so much to help her after the death of her father and was instrumental in helping to give her the courage to end her engagement to Sigamura it had only felt natural for her at the time. Then one night she headed over to Lablanc; hoping to confess her feelings she rounded the corner and caught a glimpse of Sadayo Kawakami leaving the small café. She had stopped in her tracks and wondered what a teacher would be doing to leaving the restaurant at 10 pm when she knew the café closed at 8. _Ohhh._ Her cheeks blushed at the thought of the two of them together. At that moment she gave up on Akira and promised herself she would hold his secret close to her chest just as she held her own.

Haru had known for years that she was bisexual, but it wasn’t until recently that she felt comfortable enough to let her friends know. It had been complicated for her even to be honest with herself about her feelings. Her life had been dictated by societal norms and the whims of her father for so long that she had compartmentalized her desires and put them away where she would never be tempted to act on such ideas. Instead, she funneled her passion and desire into her café, gardening and cultivating food that would bring a pleasurable experience to others. It was not always the life she had imagined she would have by now but it did bring her the kind of happiness she could only dream of before the phantom thieves.

Now she felt like she was in an impossible position. She knew deep down that Ann and Makoto belonged to each other. Even if they couldn't admit that to themselves, she encouraged them to seek each other out. Haru, felt sick to her stomach pining for her best friend, thinking about her lips and passion coursing through her body and the heat that existed the night before even if it was for mere seconds. _No stop, Haru, this isn't you..._ she snapped herself back to reality. _You should never accept being anyone's second choice. Remember you and Ann tried this once before..._ "oh god." All the color left her face, and she decided the best plan of action would just be to ignore what happened for now. Ann was in no position to even begin to have that conversation.

Haru quietly got dressed, She hoped to leave the house for the cafe before Ann awoke. She collected her things and went to leave her room, suddenly, she was startled by a loud bang coming from the kitchen. Well, there goes that plan, she thought as she stood against the door planning her next move.

* * *

 

Finally, Haru gathered the courage to open the door. She walked down the hall to reveal a barely dressed Ann hunched over in front of the refrigerator searching for something.

“ugh,” Ann groaned and punctuated with a burp. “I feel like crap.” She grabbed a bottle of water and slowly turned around holding her forehead with the opposite hand. As she reached the counter, she looked up to see Haru walking down the hall perky as always.

"Ann are you okay? Is there anything I can do?" Haru approached her with concern. Masking her discomfort and secretly hoping that the blonde woman had no recollection of their kiss the night before.

Ann grumbled as she hobbled over to the couch and laid down. She looked at the older woman searching for recollection from the previous night. Ann was unsure what to say; she was scared that she had tarnished their relationship. The silence in the room had created an air of awkwardness; Ann knew she must break the ice. Finally, she found some words. " Oh...Hey... Haru. I think I am alright. Nothing a little water and aspirin won't fix."

Haru felt the awkwardness in the room. She knows... She remembers. "Look, Ann, we need to talk about what happened last night..."

Ann looked at her and covered her face "Oh my god... that wasn't a dream." A blush overcame her face as Haru sat down next to her and searched carefully for the words to express how she felt.

*Knock* *Knock*

Both women were startled. They each looked at the door and then at each other. “Don’t worry I will get it,” Haru said with urgency.

Haru opened the door to reveal Makoto who was quietly debating about whether she should have been there at all. “Oh. Haru I thought you would be at the café. I was wondering if Ann was home?”

“Makoto… I am not sure right now is the right time.” Haru whispered hoping Ann would be too hungover to realize Makoto was at the door.

“Of… course… I-I-I just had something I really needed to get off my chest.” Her normally confident and sure demeanor had been replaced with trepidation and humility. “I-I-I am really sorry to bother you bo…”

Makoto’s sentence was interrupted by a gruff voice yelling “Who on earth is at the door Haru?”

“Look Makoto I know you are eager to make this right and under ordinary circumstances, I would invite you in and offer you tea but right now is not a good time,” Haru said in a rushed hushed whisper

“Ugh, Haru just tell them to go aw…” Ann stopped gawking as she approached the door. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her. On the other side, she saw the outline of what looked like Makoto, but she was pretty sure she was hallucinating. “Ouch,” she pinched herself a little too hard and realized she was not dreaming.

“Ann…” Makoto stopped her eyes stuck on the blonde woman as Haru turned around to see the two women had boxed her in between them.

Haru stood there her mouth agape unsure if she should walk past Ann who was currently 30 shades of red. She had not seen Ann that angry since Ryuji had made an off-color comment about her panther outfit.

“What in the holy hell is this? Some big joke? Why on earth are you here” Ann screamed crying and yelling at the same time.

Haru looked at Ann and Makoto several times unable to move and unsure what she should do. Makoto took a step towards Ann when Ann pushed out her arm “Stop… Just stop don’t you dare try and comfort me right now. Not after yesterday. Not after I-I-I…told you what I told you and you…” Ann paused emotionally and physically drained she collapsed into a heap on the floor small tears continued to emanate from her eyes and roll down her face.

Haru looked at Makoto pleadingly as Makoto worked up all her courage and strength to move past the heiress without a word she effortlessly picked up the blonde from the floor and walked her over to the couch setting her down gently.

Ann opened her mouth as if to speak anger still swelling in her eyes as she looked at the woman she loved and simultaneously loathed.   
Makoto took a step back even though all she wanted to do was run her hand through Ann’s hair and comfort her. She took a moment to collect herself closing her eyes and looking deep inside to find the courage with what she wanted to say next. Somewhere in there queen still existed, and that was who she needed to be right now.

Haru suddenly felt awkward like she was intruding on an intimate moment not meant for her eyes. She felt her flight instinct kick in “umm... Ann… I need to get to the café would you mind if I…” she stumbled over her words finally looking up to see Makoto looking right at her with her piercing red eyes.

“you are not going anywhere” Makoto growled. “I need you to stay for this.” Haru stopped slowly setting her keys down and staying attentive to the situation.

Makoto returned her gaze to Ann who hadn’t moved. Her blue eyes seemed to be searching, wanting, and unsure of what to do next so there she stayed the shock of it all rendering her speechless.

Makoto finally broke the awkward silence she looked directly into Ann’s eyes and just began to speak as quickly as possible “Look I know I don’t deserve your time. That I don’t deserve to just show up on your doorstep after everything… after our history…after I ran from you… from us… but here I am. I am a coward I have run from everything I have ever loved and still pretended my life was perfect that I was happy.” She felt herself faltering tears began to roll down her face she wiped them off with her hands and steadied herself. “I honestly am crumbling and have been crumbling ever since I abandoned you and ran from our friends. I threw myself into school and then into work trying to be the perfect cop the perfect image to the outside world. I let my heart harden and worst of all the mask I ripped off when I awoke my persona covered me anew and served as a crutch to server all my desires.”

Ann looked at her softening her eyes “Mako..”

“No Ann. I do not deserve your compassion. I am a coward who does not and did not deserve your love. I sacrificed your heart for an image. The worst part is that I have been so caught up in what everyone else would think… what Sae would think…how loving you would hurt our careers… I convinced myself that you were better off without me, that you would be able to find love again. Yesterday, when you told me all that had happened to you … all that your life had become it broke me again. I couldn’t bear to see the trauma and pain my decisions had inflicted on you. You caused my perfect world to crumble, and I-I-I ran from you again because I had no words to express the sorrow and regret I felt. I ran from you because I still wouldn’t face the fact that I am a lesbian. I somehow convinced myself for years that that meant I was broken and needed to be alone to get to the top of my profession to be a success.” Makoto stopped she searched Ann’s face for something anything just some recognition. It was the same blue eyes staring at her piercing her soul deeply. Haru crossed the room and set herself on the couch within sight of Makoto. She tried to give the other woman engorgement the will to keep going, but Makoto’s eyes never left Ann’s. IT was as if they were the only two people in the world.

Makoto gulped she knew this last part would be the hardest but she had to do it… “My whole world is a lie Ann, and I don’t even know what I like because I have never truly done anything for myself. I even built my sense of justice on a lie. It’s like I forgot everything I had when I was a phantom thief, I forgot Johanna, I forgot Queen… I forgot all of us, and what we stood for, I forgot how hard we fought to break the chains that society created. I built a palace around my heart because it was easier to be alone than to love you publically. I am so sorry I left you, that I disappeared without a word. I love you, Ann, I have always loved you; but honestly, right now I do not deserve your forgiveness or your love. I would understand If you told me to leave and never come back, I would understand if you moved on to someone who has always been able to give you what you need… what you deserve. I do not expect you to love or forgive me today or tomorrow or maybe ever. I understand if you cannot forgive the pain I have caused you, but I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you if I have too. I will work to be a better person. Not for you or anyone else but, for myself. I hope that someday we can at least be friends, that the rest of the thieves will also take me back as their friend once I show them the real me as well. I refuse to live a lie anymore…” Makoto finally let herself break down in tears, all the strength she had received from queen had vanished, and there she was vulnerable to the world. Somehow she felt lighter and yet as she looked at each of the other two woman’s faces her heart felt heavy.

Ann opened her mouth to say something tears were finally streaming down her face “Mako…I”

Makoto put a finger to her lips as if to quiet the younger woman. “No Ann don’t give me your answer now. I don’t deserve an answer now. When you are ready, we can sit down and talk. All I ask is that you consider what I have said here.” She looked at Ann Longing for what they once shared, turned her eyes to Haru and mouthed a silent “Thank you” before she turning on her heels and quickly leaving the room. 

Ann's mouth was slack. Slowly she turned towards Haru. "What am I going to do?." The blonde asked rhetorically while the redhead searched her brain for an answer to their problems. Finally, Haru responded "I don't know... I honestly don't know." It was Haru's turn to let tears fall from her eyes quiet despair washed over her body. Both women were at a loss, neither of them knew how to reconcile their desires and their actions. The room grew silent and there both women sat silently thinking about the events of the past 24 hours.

* * *

 

Makoto stepped outside her breath was cold against the air. Eventually, she allowed herself to lose it. All of the energy and angst that had built its self up inside her seeped its way out with each tear. She sat there letting it go until she felt steady enough to mount her bike.

Pulling on her helmet, she recognized the long road that lay ahead; most people would crumble under the vast amount of pressure still facing Makoto on every front. She sighed a long sigh as she pulled the visor down over her face. Even with the sheer amount of work to be done Makoto couldn't help but smile, she was finally on the path to freedom. Now she just had to figure out how to talk to Sae. 


End file.
